FNAF parody
by sh4dowpik4chu
Summary: A neckbeard fedora wearer gets a job at Freddys' Pizzaria


Yes, hello?

Ah good it's on.

See i got bored at my job here in this weird pizza place called, err "franky fuzzboar" was it? (not that i care mind you...)

Anyway, this is a log recording what went down on the past 2-3 nights...i think i got drunk and passed out on night 3, but i should recall by the end of this log.

So, day 1, i accept a job, some asshole on the phone is talking to me, i instantly shut him off because he was annoying me.

I looked around my office as i was seemingly teleported into here upon getting close to this building and i instantly recognised the magnet based doors on either side paired with a window each and thought "Damn the raiders, hobos andor scrubs that come in here must be packin" sadly as exiting as that was, i had no guns nor did any type of faggot enter the building.

That must be because it needs fabreeze.

Then i found a laptop under the desk that had every camera in the pretty small building.

I just thought "Cool, do i get to sit back here doing nothing as i watch any type of low-life raid the place?"

What a bummer the job was until about 34 minutes later when i saw the chicken(duck?) move.

Awww sheeeeet, someones in here.

I try to get up to see whats going on with my handy crowbar i carry around as a weapon, but FUCK my fatrolls got stuck in the chair and i can't be assed to roll around the place in it.

I check the laptop again...

Chickenduck moved to the bathroom, "Maybe whoever here had to take a shit" i once thought and chuckled.

While staring at the bathrooms the laptop died for a few moments and Chickenduck was gone, FUCK they are probaby fucking it in the bathroom as i speak and someone is in the kitchen.

Anyway i put down my laptop as i see the rabbit thing in the window of the left door.

It stared.

I stared.

I had an evil idea, i closed the door infront of him and flipped him off through the window while giggling.

The rabbits eyelids seem to have given out as his eyes were half closed now, looking like he was already tired of my shit, i only giggled more at this.

Eventually i turned to the right door and someone was still in the kitchen so i closed the right door and banged on it with my crowbar to get their attention "HEY ASSHOLE, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE HERE ATLEAST BE QUIET, FOR FUCKS SAKE"

As i readjusted my great suit and tie that matched my fedora i looked back to the left, "Well the rabbits gone" I thought as i grabbed the laptop oncemore.

The bear was still sitting there, now staring at the camera, i stuck my tongue out at him.

*DINGDONGDINGDONG* suddenly i almost shit myself as a loud ringing was heard and kids cheering, in heinsight the kids were probably the ones in the damned kitchen.

And then i wake up outside the place at around 8AM (big thanks to my elitest watch from a tumblr raffle) and headed home not even feeling tired.

Then before i knew it, it was time to work again, i put on my suit and fedora and headed into work, again i passed out, this time remembering where i passed out last time and jumping at it, feeling my face hit the dirt as i woke up in the security guard room again.

Wiping dirt from my face i checked the cameras, not bothering to check on the bear as he diddn't do shit anyway.

I looked around wondering what kind of pizza they sold here.

But in my night-dreaming the Chickenduck was at my window, but this time it was...breathing?

I closed the door in its (her?) face, watching it as its mouth slowly moved as if breathing or ready to bite something.

I flick the light outside the door on and off to make sure it went the fuck away, sure enough when i did a countdown and closed my eyes it did before i even opened them again.

Reopening the right door i checked the cameras again.

"Oh hello" i remember saying outloud as i saw something that looked like a wolf behind the curtain of a stage.

I stared at it before once again the fucking laptop died.

I just grunted as i closed it.

Then *PATPATPAT* someone is running down the hallway, i was ready for action as i grabbed my previously mentioned crowbar, ready to fight.

It was that faggot wolf that was behind the curtain, looking at it gave me a weird boner. (probably just lack of porn on my part)

But it just stood there outside the door as we both stood motionless for a moment, probably trying to register why i had a raging hardon.

Then it made this earpeircing screech, i closed the door relatively fast on him, instantly shutting him up.

I flicked on the light to get a better look at him, he was poorly painted considering what i saw of the others, mostly broken too.

I flicked the light off and returned started searching the desk for food.

*BANG* the fuck? *BANG* ohok *BA-* i opened the left door to see the fucking wolf there again, he was like that one girlscout that kept ringing i doorbell before i "took care of her"

But anyways as the wolf tried to screach again i yelled into his face "STOP" and then i broke it to him "YOU ARE SHIT M8, YOU ARE POORLY PAINTED, BADLY PROGRAMED, SHITTY RUNDOWN ASS JUICE THATS FROM SOME ASSFACES BACKLOG, I MEAN THE HOLE IN YOUR CHEST, IS THERE METAL THERE OR JUST METERIAL, I MEAN-"

I ripped into him for atleast 10 good minutes.

"-AND THATS WHY YOU AND YOUR AUTISTIC CREATOR DESERVE TO BE IN THE TRASHBIN, NOT ON STAGE"

The wolf closes his mouth and drips his head down, i could clearly see him walking down the hall back onto his stage.

Serves the loud bastard.

As i return to my quest for snacks i found a old snickers in the drawer and played with the radio things knobs until the dingdong shit happened again and i was home.

Day 3, i go to work, this time just passing out into the back room again.

I go attempt find a way to watch porn on the laptop as my Iphone has no internet connection.

About 2 hours and 46 minutes pass as Chickenduck was at the door without me noticing,

Chickenduck stepped into the room as i looked up from the laptop, unable to get any kind of internet connection at all...it was probably running linux.

But the Chickenduck lurched tward me and tried to bite me, but thanks to my big fedora taking atleast 1/3 of my head made the shape of my head unbitable by the weird beak mouth Chickenduck had to attempt to get around my head.

Chickenduck gave a not-as-loud screach and tried to grab me, unable to get me out of my chair, but as it got a hold under me, it turns out i had did some "tactical" pissing erlier and its hand slipped, unable to get a grip it tried to bite my chin.

Upon touching my neckbeard it stopped and i just heard coughing and hacking from the robot.

Seeing my opponents weakness i beat its head in with the crowbar, beating it out of the room as it runs down the hall.

That will teach you to try and eat me, ya dumb bitch.

To celebrate i took a can of MTNDew i brung with me today to enter my MLG high, needless to say i passed out.

And thats it for the past 3 days, i am currently sitting here on day 4 making this voicelog by overtaping the other phonefaggots tape.

As it stands there is the Bear and Rabbit to my right and Chickenwhatever to my left, doors wide open.

Looks like i have company.

*Bear and the Rabbit come in*  
>*Multiple new voices could be heard farther away from the taping*<p>

Gruff voice: How did you survive an attack, are you truely this powerful, you even made foxy turn to tears.

Neckbeard: Just simply being MLG, i have not even been trying

Reverbic light voice: "MLG"? Does this make you super powerful?

Neckbeard: Yes, but i wont show you.

Gruff voice: Nomatter, we will all take you to the "changing room"

*Grunting and heaving could be heard, like they were trying to pick up a 1000LB weight*

Gruff voice: What are you

Neckbeard: M-L-G

*Chickenduck runs down the hall after seeing all this*

*Bear and Rabbit back away slowly through the door and run*

Neckbeard: What faggots

(AND SO, THE ANIMATRONICS LEFT THE 4CHAN BROWSER ALONE FOR THE REST OF HIS SHIFTS)

The End 


End file.
